Ned Gardner

One-eyed Paperboy: a Remarkable Odyssey Gone Terribly Wrong Ned Gardner

Meet Darby Tillman. An amiable, even likable, love-starved thirty-six year old screwball who has some rather bizarre views on almost everything, including what it takes to woo, bemuse and finally conquer the fairer sex. Believing he's finally found true love at last, Darby can't quite understand why his frustrating, often lopsided relationship suddenly goes sour with Gretchen, the lovely but mysterious lady upstairs who has been concealing a chilling, unspeakable horror most of her life. Ultimately rejected by Gretchen, Darby shifts his amorous, somewhat vengeful feelings toward Amber-Gretchen's precocious niece-after learning the beautiful tennis playing coed is visiting her wealthy great aunt on Hawaii's Big Island for the summer. From the very beginning of Darby's moronically contrived "Amber Introduction Plan"-if one can accept kidnapping as a perfectly normal approach to meeting someone new-everything goes wrong. And things just get a lot worse as Amber and her loopy, nitwit abductor, Darby, suddenly find themselves battling for their lives-and each other-as they struggle to survive one of the worst cataclysms to ravage the Hilo coastline in years!"Disturbingly odd and well crafted I loved every nutty, neurotic word!"R. Hoelterhoff, J&B Media-Chicago"Hilarious! Eerie! Spooky! Cage this lunatic (the author)! Just make sure he has something dull and non-sharp to keep writing with!"J. Nelson, Gannet Publications-NY