Elmore Hammes

Not Fit for Human Consumption: a Comedic Farce Elmore Hammes

A tale not to be taken too seriously, featuring cockroaches, genetically enhanced rats, foosball table destruction, rabbits, high school science clubs, hedgehog conspiracy theorists, military coups, adolescent bomb shelter romance and cosmic entities bent on annihilation. Sadly, not enough beer was drunk during creation of this novel to include an airplane lavatory sex scene. Oh wait, there is one of those. But don't get your hopes up - all the good parts are left out. The novel contains suggestive language (the PG-rated variety), and those seeking enriching literature are best served by looking elsewhere. However, if you are in the mood for a farcical comedy step right in, and meet: Arax the Annihilator, an entity bent on destroying the earth; Henry Stewart, member of the Hedgehog Surveillance Network, who hopes to be part of the New World Order after the government topples; Loretta the rabbit, who just wants to hop free in a meadow after a lifetime of captivity; Omar Sharteen, who wants to bomb his own Parliament building so the US will build a nice shiny new one; Mortimer Johnson, president of the Mount Carmel Junior High Science Club, who fears he has betrayed Science by having a crush on Alicia Fleppe; Peter the Cockroach, a prophet who sees cockroaches as the final survivors; Alice Walters, widow of a fallen soldier, who discovers her husband's secret life; June and Robert, a happy couple who might find more happiness than they can handle; Mark Andrews, who is in an underground bunker and is afraid to push the button when nuclear war is imminent; and a host of others, including but not limited to strippers, teachers, t-shirt vendors, bookstore clerks, football players, moths, prime ministers and cats. The author regrets immensely not having any zombies in this book. Or monkeys. Or zombie monkeys.