Ring Lardner

My Roomy Ring Lardner

Book Excerpt: ...was gettin' trimmed or he never would have no pay day. Then he got confidential."Pay day wouldn't do me no good," he says. "When I'm all squared up with the club and begin to have a pay day I'll only get a hundred bucks at a time, and I'll owe that to some o' you fellers. I wisht we could win the pennant and get in on that World's Series dough. Then I'd get a bunch at once.""What would you do with a bunch o' dough?" I ast him."Don't tell nobody, sport," he says; "but if I ever get five hundred at once I'm goin' to get married.""Oh!" I says. "And who's the lucky girl?""She's a girl up in Muskegon," says Elliott; "and you're right when you call her lucky.""You don't like yourself much, do you?" I says."I got reason to like myself," says he. "You'd like yourself, too, if you could hit 'em like me.""Well," I says. "you didn't show me no hittin' to-day.""I couldn't hit because I was laughin' too hard," says Elliott."What was it you was...